Be Happy

I'm an emotional person.

Always have been.

I actually like feeling the broad range of emotions; it makes the good emotions that much better.

Mark isn't.

Mark is very level, very steady.

That's one of the many things I love about him.

Scott is a toddler/kid and therefore is emotional.

It might change later but for now we have a lot of fun feeling happy and excited and we are both practicing patience when it's not so happy and exciting.

We have to teach Scott a lot of things that may come naturally to some other children.

We have been working on teaching him to recognize his emotions.

This, I feel, is important when also teaching him about good and bad chooses.

So we often play pretend with our different emotions.

Practicing the look on our face when we are happy vs. sad, things we do when we are mad, and also trying not to get angry.

Scott learns things and they kinda become rules in his brain.

We are so proud of him for understanding what we teach him, it makes teaching him other lessons easier.

But sometimes they back fire.

Like teaching him not to say stupid.

Scott doesn't say it, Mommy and daddy are to ones who get yelled at for saying it.

Mommy also gets told to be happy.

Actually she gets yelled at to be happy.

If I'm tired, "BE HAPPY!"

If I'm bored,  "BE HAPPY!"

If I trip and stub my toe,  "BE HAPPY!"

If I'm debating something with Mark (not arguing, just a friendly debate over shampoo or conditioner being better) we both get the,  "BE HAPPY!"

If I'm watching a movie, like say, Monsters Inc. and it's the end and Sully opens the door all curious like and then you see his face change to complete joy, and yeah, ok, I shed a tear, so what, I'm a sap.

I get a big huge, 

 "BE HAPPY!"

It was really sweet at first.

Scott doesn't want anyone to be anything but happy.

But like I said, I'm an emotional person.

So I hear this all day long.

Guess what, I can't be happy all the time.

So now I get to try to teach him that I can have more than one emotion at a time, like I can be tired and still happy.

This might be harder to correct since the rule is already set in his brain but we are going to try.

For my emotional well being, we are going to try.

This rule is hard for Scott to keep at times too.

After all he's just leaving the toddler years and entering the kid ones and there are a lot of emotions with both.

So we were going to a preschool orientation and he was so very happy to be sitting in the back with his friend, Jade and her mom, Amber.

We all went together since Scott and Jade would be going to the same class.

Scott was already feeling a little on edge since he wasn't allowed to find or play with the big T Rex that he had played with months ago while we were interviewing preschool teachers for him.

Yes, he remembered.

On our way home he wasn't acting quite as happy as he was on our way there.

I had a young womens activity that I was late for so Mark dropped me off first so Mark told me the rest of the story after I got home.

After I was dropped off he then drove to Amber's house to drop them off.

Scott was NOT happy.

Amber is still not accustom to Scott's fits over transitions and people leaving because he has been doing a bit better since we've become friends.

She always tries to console him which is so kind but there's nothing we can really do once they've started except let them run their course.

So after she gives up and goes inside Scott continues to cry in the back.

While crying he starts saying, "I want to be happy" over and over again.

Tell me that doesn't break your heart, if not then I'm pretty sure you're dead.

I was struggling with trying to teach my son that it's ok if mommies aren't happy all the time.

I HATE that I now have to teach my son, my son who I would walk over hot coals and jump off the tallest building for his happiness, I have to teach him that it's ok to be sad.

That it's ok to be hurt.

I mean, he's only 3 years old.

I just want to protect him from pains and hurts because I've felt it and I know how much it sucks.

I thought it was a lesson that I could wait on.

A lesson that I knew but I didn't want him to have to face yet.

A lesson that I know our Heaven'y Father dislikes teaching us the very most too.

That the hard times make us stronger.

Right now he's 3 and his little brain wont understand that.

So I try to teach patience and endurance, not his strong points.

Not my strong points.

But for now,  "BE HAPPY!" will have to do.

Oh What a Game

Mark's dad gave us some tickets to the U of U vs. USU game at Rice Eccles Stadium.

One might think it would be conflicting since we both went to USU and met there and that Mark got his MBA and we lived at the U but the truth is, 

IT WAS AWESOME!

I loved cheering for both teams.

We took turns cheering for whoever fell behind.

The U fans we were with were surrounded by were so nice and even told us to make a bigger deal over something awesome USU did.

We were really happy for them we just don't believe in being over obnoxious rubbing it in the other teams face.

And also, whatever good thing happened for one team meant something bad happened to the other.

In the end U of U pulled ahead by one point and sealed their score with a field goal that kept them ahead in the end.

I was almost sad but really, it was a great call and a great play and can't be bugged at a team I cheer for doing something smart.

USU played a great game and they should be proud of their performance.

Someone around us told me in the end that USU played better but U of U just got lucky those last few minutes.

Mark would agree.

It was a great game and Mark and I are mad at ourselves for not going more when we could have gotten student pricing.

Oh well, we had so much fun and hope to go to some more in the future.

My Turn

Well it's my Birthday.

And what a day it has been.

I woke up getting a text from Mark telling me he didn't have time to get the garbage out to the curb.

So I ran out to get there in time and this is what I saw.

I just got called to the Beehive adviser this past Sunday and met a few of the girls on Wednesday.

Can you believe this?

They are AMAZING!

I just can't tell you how this made me feel.

A few of them also came by later on that day and gave me my favorite ice cream, mint and chip.

Talk about love at first meet.

Thank you girl, you're the best!

My mom came up to take me to breakfast in the morning at our favorite, Kneaders.

I love how my mom makes me feel on my birthday.

She has always made me feel so special and unique which is a big deal to this girl who sometimes suffers from middle child syndrome.

Thanks mom, for having me.

Love you so much.

After breakfast I went over to hang out with my bestie and go shopping.

Melissa gives me the gift of a laughing every time I am with her.

Seriously, how often do you laugh without a care as an adult?

Maybe it's just me but I sure don't laugh like that as much as I used to as a kid.

Melissa can make my belly hurt laughing so hard.

Melissa treated me to lunch at our favorite, Texas Roadhouse.

Thanks Melissa for tearing yourself from your busy life at home and spreading your joy with me today.

You are the best.

After Melissa Mark and I went out on a date.

I was such a dope and didn't take a picture.

But Mark does that to me.

He makes me so happy and special and loved and just everything wonderful that I forget everything but him.

He's just so great!

We went to the Vietnamese place we went to for our anniversary but they were closed because of remodeling.

So we drove around, being so blissfully disappointed.

But we found a Chinese place pretty close to the house that has now been added to our favorites list.

It was such a wonderful evening with my man.

It was such a fabulous day with everyone.

Getting old sucks but I have been so blessed to have had birthdays the last few years filled with so much love that the memory makes the old part of years passing worth it.

Thanks for all of the love from family and friends who wished me well throughout the day also.

Fishies Take Two

Scott got a fish tank and fishies for one of his Christmas presents this pas year.

They, sadly, didn't last long.

We put the tank away thinking we probably did something wrong.

Oh well.

But recently Scott's fascination with Dinosaurs has subsided and marine life has taken over.

He is obsessed with sharks and whales and all kinds of fish.

he is constantly asking for things like swordfish candy and bow head whale chicken nuggets.

We've tried getting creative and helped him with his requests when we can.

This is an octopus hot dog sitting atop fishy mac and cheese.

He just decided he likes mac and cheese, I think we're up to about 15 foods he'll eat now.

Anyway, I decided with his new love for marine life there's not a good reason to not fill up the tank and try our hand at fishies again.

I was so fun taking Scott to the pet store and looking at all the fish.

He also loved seeing all the fish tank decor.

We decided on going with Guppies this time around.

He was so excited to bring them home and get everything set up.

He now takes many of his meals sitting in front of the tank and wakes up every morning running up to them and saying, "Good morning guppies."

I love making this boy happy.

Some Great Baby News

We are so happy and excited to introduce Scott's baby

BROTHER!

There have been a few complications and we've been able to get quite a few ultra sounds.

With the worry it's been nice to get some visual conformations that the baby is doing ok.

This little guy is already proving to be like his big brother; he's a mover.

I've been told a few times that it's probably a boy and I needed the prep time.

I will admit, I really wanted a girl.

One of each would have been nice.

But knowing that I've got anther sweet little baby boy coming to our family just thrills me.

Scott really seemed to want a girl though.

Almost all his friends are girls.

When I asked him what we should name baby brother he said, "Baby Sister."

Once brother get's here I'm sure he will love his baby brother as much as we do.

A Time for Peace and Reflection

I've been noticing somethings lately in my life, some trends that have amazed and baffled me.

The cause of the reflections I've had on my life have been triggered by a great many lessons in church.

Over the last two months I've been surprised at the incredible lessons and messages given on my favorite topic, trials.

This is my favorite topic because, as much as I complain about my life and all the hardships I think I have, I know that I am so blessed and I know that my life has seen very few major catastrophes. 

This is my favorite because of the terrible way that I handle my challenges in life.

While others are going through incredible hardships they give the most amazing advise and come up with incredible quotes that I can't help but be inspired to get through my small ones with a better attitude and more appreciation for all that is around me.

Looking back over my life I can't help but think that I have always been going through something.

Some challenge, some mountain, some obstacle for me to get over.

Like I said I usually start these hardships out very badly, complaining, blaming, questioning, failing, giving up, not even trying, falling down and crying, doing nothing but living in my own private Hell.

Sometimes it takes a while for me to get out of these stages of depression. 

I still feel so much guilt for how much stress I caused those closest to me who took my pain on them or who treated badly thinking I was somehow justified.

Before I keep going in my guilt I wanted to write what I came to write.

This isn't a message of all my trials in life, this is a message of the beautiful peace that can be given.

It's of a miracle that no one knows about but me.

I have always wanted a large family.

Because of my own stressed out ways and high anxiety I have come to realize this is not going to be the case for me.

It's not so much Scott's challenges, I know that every child brings its own set of challenges to any mother and not mater how one feels prepared, motherhood is a hard job.

I just don't think I can handle a large family and be the mother I want to be to a lot of children.

So Mark and I felt it was best to wait to have more children till we had a handle on things.

And when I say handle I mean till Caroline could handle life everyday.

When we both knew it was time we got scared.

We started to question again.

This wasn't a stiring of thought like in the scriptures telling us to hold off again, it was Saten trying to change our minds, using fear.

So I have come to realize from all my favorite lessons over the years that one must spray for faith in these situations.

I prayed for faith and peace.

I COULD NOT GO FORWARD WITH STRESS.

We knew we it was time so went we forward with faith.

We were kinda amazed at how quickly I got pregnant, laughingly saying that The Lord was REALLY ready to send us a sweet one.

After I found out I was terrified again.

I started to slip into the stress and the worry and I knew that my reaction to trials was about to kick in.

So I prayed.

Such a small sentence.

Such a small thing.

Such an easy thing.

I found no answer to my stresses and worries.

Nothing that wiped them away making them void.

The Lord simply put them on the back burner.

How do I know that The Lord did it, because I don't know how to do that.

People tell me to do that be I really don't understand how that works.

But The Lord does so he did it for me.

Then one day, a Saturday, I started bleeding.

We went to the hospital ER and they told me it was a 50/50 chance I would loose the baby.

I had an appointment with my new doctor on Monday and I should just wait to see what she said.

So I went home and waited.
I prayed and listened.
I felt like if I lost the baby it would be ok.
I would be ok.
I wouldn't do that thing I always do and freak out.
I would be ok.
We would try again.
I went to the appointment with a friend for support and for another set of ears t remember what was said.
She also has a little bit of a medical background and her husband is a doctor who always translates everything for me.
The doctor said it wasn't quite 50/50 but more like 20%.
I was on a step above bed rest.
Meaning I could only do what needed to be done, for Scott and for the home but other then that I needed to rest.
Resting so much caused a lot of pondering.
I wondered with all the stages of worry if I truly wanted another baby.
Not just if I was ready but is this really what I wanted at this time.
What if this child had issues?
What if this child is a boy?
I REALLY want a girl.
It is so hard for me to give up control.
Or rather I really want control.
But we are not here to gain control.
We are here to gain experience.
The best way to gain experience is to have trials and give up the illusion of control.
So I gave it up and told the Lord I really wanted this baby.
I told him I would be done trying to control this situation.
I want this baby no matter what challenges this baby brings me.
I want this baby for all the joy this baby is going to bring me.
I want this baby for all the joy I can bring to this baby.
All the things I can teach the angel and all the love I can give it.
Here's the miracle.
I found peace.
All the things to stress about and fear and I found peace.
Not just relief but peace.
Things are getting better and I believe that the problems are subsiding.
I still wonder what the future will bring for my baby but I can't stress too much when there is so much peace in my life.
I have been loving these lessons in church lately.
I'm not feeling like this is a time of trial for me right now.
Weird feeling, great change of pace.
It's my time of peace and I am trying to continue the lessons I have learned while in my time of trials and not becoming complacent.
I wonder at times that if this is the calm before the storm.
But there's one thing that I can't shake.
I got the incredible opportunity to stop and decide if I want this baby.
I want this baby and I want all the storms that come along with it.
I can do this.

Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.
John 14:27

Katie Lady

Kate hasn't been doing so great lately.

I don't know the details but so will be going into surgery next week for issues with her kidneys.

She has also been getting over a fever so she has been doing a lot of laying around, waiting to feel healthy again.

I thought if she's going to be doing nothing, she may as well be doing nothing at my house.

The thing is that Kate has a hard time doing nothing, especially when there is decorating to do.

Since I am feeling better and in the nesting stage I have been doing a lot of decorating and trying to get the house ready for the baby.

So Kate helped me attack a few projects that I've been taking way to long to act on.

Here she is letting Scott help her paint.

I say letting because she wouldn't even let me help her paint, she loves it so much.

We rearranged Scott's room and decorated it.

This project would have taken me at least a week to do but with her help it happened in a day.

This girl might not be feeling up to par but she still knows how to get stuff done.

Thanks Kay for all your help.

Couldn't have done it without you.