Kindred Spirits

Sedra and I grew up together in the same ward in Alpine.

She was one grade higher then me in school though so we were never super close.

When we went off to colleges we went our separate ways.

But come facebook we both friended each other.

It wasn't long before we realized our sons were very similar.

We found ourselves constantly writing on each others posts, "My son too."

We said it with the good and fun things but also with the concerning things.

Soon we were writing novels to each other and decided to exchange phone numbers.

We started texting, asking each other what we were doing to handle situations our boys were going through.

Her boy wasn't talking on time, he had a speech therapist, she got fed up with the same things about the system that I did.

But there were other things we had in common.

Wondering if we created the issues our boys were going through.

Wondering why the normal ways of parenting weren't working for us.

Wondering if this was simply a delay or if it was something else.

Well for a long time we planned to get together and let our boys meet.

After a lot of sicknesses and something came ups we finally got together at Carl's Jr.

Our boys both having aspergers means that they didn't really acknowledge one another much.

We would like to say that we went for the boys but really we went for one another.

Us moms need one another.

We need to know that we aren't alone.

 Although I don't always understand what my friends are going through with their three year olds, I know that Sedra and I understand one another.

One of Them Days

My life is full of highs and lows.

Today I feel low.

We had another appointment for Scott.

I was looking forward to it because we were going to discuss with the doctor what we do now that he has a diagnosis.

It was a fine visit but I didn't leave feeling as optimistic as before.

Today I left feeling incredibly over whelmed.

This is how I'm feeling put into another situation.

Let's say you find out that you have cancer.

What are some of the thoughts or feelings you may have?

You probably feel scared.

You probably start wondering what this means for you.

Your life might flash before your eyes.

You may go through some denial.

Your future life may flash before your eyes.

Every dream of the future may feel shaken.

You talk to the doctor about your options and you say you're going to fight this thing.

You may feel like you have a responsibility to others to be strong, after all, you don't want them stressing the way you are.

And some days you feel good.

Some days you are strong and you know that you will be strong.

But other days that's not the case.

You may feel bitter those days.

You may feel angry.

You may think, "I never asked for this."

You may wonder why.

You may get bugged every time you hear somebody complain about their healthy body.

There are so many things that people wonder and worry about.

I don't know if what I described is right, I've never had cancer or any health issues for that matter.

But I have felt many of those emotions I've described.

I've had my whole life flash before my eyes wondering what did I do to cause this?

I've questioned all my dreams for the future.

I've been bugged hearing people complain about things that I only dream would happen to me.

I've thought, "I never asked for this, so why is it happening?"

I'm having one of those bitter days right now.

I'm wondering if I'll ever "beat" this, because I don't think anyone can truly "beat"this.

Scott has aspergers.

He will always have aspergers.

He will always have something that will make him "not normal" and we will always feel like we need to fix it.

I know, I know, "no ones normal" and "if he didn't have this then there would just be something else to worry about."

I know, I've heard it all before, not just by you but by myself.

I just feel so over whelmed with all that we are going to need to do to get Scott to do things that come naturally to everyone else.

It's like trying to teach someone how to beat their own heart.

How do you describe how to do that?

I don't know, you just do it.

Scott thinks differently then others.

He thinks differently from me.

I have to try to figure out how he thinks so I can figure out how to teach him to do something that I was never taught how to do because I never had to think about it, I just did it.

Hard.

I know I've already written a novel but I had to share this amazing sweet story.

While dwelling on all the above I started crying.

I'm a bit of a baby like that.

Well Scott was playing and I didn't think he'd notice.

For those who watch Parenthood and know Max they know that typically children with aspergers don't understand emotion, they are very logical and need facts to back things up and to make sense.

Well Scott did notice me.

He came right up to me, looked right in my eyes (again, not at all typical) and we had the following conversation.

"It's OK mom, it's OK."

"I'm OK Scott."

"Are you sad mom?"

"Yes, mom's sad."

"What's wrong Mom? What's wrong?"

"Mom's had a hard day."

He leaned over and kissed my cheek.

Scott doesn't give kisses, he lets you kiss him but he doesn't ever give them, this time he puckered up and kissed my cheek.

He then wiped my tears away.

He then got up and said,

"You're scared mom, it's OK."

He then ran away and I sat there shocked thinking this doesn't solve any of my problems but how do I stay sad after that?

He came back to me maybe a minute later and sat on my lap facing me.

He asked, 

"Are you happy now mom?

Be happy."

I told him he made me happy and we sang if you're happy and you know it.

My life is full of highs and lows.

Today I feel low.

Tomorrow I don't know how I'll feel.

But I do know that I will get back up to my high.

I will get excited for the future and life wont feel like it does now.

Like the poets say, it's always darkest before the dawn.

Primary for Scott

This right there is a Primary boy.

I am so proud of Scott for transitioning so well to this milestone.

I was absolutely TERRIFIED for him to go to Primary.

The thing is that in our old ward I would have wondered how he was doing but I wouldn't have lost sleep over it like I have been.  

The difference is that everyone knew Scott really well in our last ward.

He would have had his best friend Jaeley in the class to tell the teachers that's just how Scott is.

The teachers would have probably already known and they would know what to do already because they would have seen me calm him down a million times.

Not only that, but Scott would have known everyone around him so he wouldn't have freak outs so much anyway.

In the last ward they didn't have a Jr and Sr Primary so the Nursery kids were already going into the Primary room for a special singing time and thus the transition wouldn't be so hard for any of the kids.

But we were no longer in that ward.

I have been seriously stressing about this since we moved.

I wondered if he would need a specialist and if he got a specialist who would it be?

What would make that person qualified to take care of my son or "handle" my son.

I wondered if Mark and I would just go to the president and tell her we needed to be his class teachers.

I wondered if we should just keep him in Nursery and not worry about it at all.

Luckily for me, my two best friends were Primary presidents in our last ward.

They are like Scott's second mommies.

They got sick of me constantly worrying about it, I'm sure but they were always there to let me verbally think things through.

They, knowing Scott and having trust in a primary that they've never been to, told me I just need to try.

Take him and see what it's like.

It reminded me that the president couldn't be much different then my friends.

I almost changed my mind the first Sunday.

We just went to the primary portion and Scott sat/laid in the back the whole time while Mark and I sat with him.

The last 15 minutes I took him to nursery to get his wiggles out.

He walked in being a full head taller then all the kids.

He walked in like he owned the joint.

Walked up to the teachers, said hi and went strait for his favorite toys.

I knew that this was easy.

This was him being held back.

I don't want him to be held back.

I don't want to be the one holding him back because it's easy.

I decided then and there that he needed to go to primary and Mark and I had to do whatever we could do to help him through it.

It would be hard but thus is life so stop complaining right?!

The next week we took shifts.

I sat with him in class and Mark sat with him in singing time.

Scott took about 5 minutes to warm up to the kids and the teacher.

He got a Sunbeam bag to put all his hand outs in and he would NOT put it under his chair and he did NOT want my purse under the chair either.

I would try to sneak it under there but each time he noticed he picked it up for me and put it in my lap like he was worried one of the kids would steal it.

Other then that, HE WAS AMAZING!

I'm telling you it was an absolute MIRACLE!

There are things that peers can get kids to do that parents don't think their kids are capable of.

I was blown away.

About twenty minutes into the lesson a little girl was dropped off that did not want to be there so she cried in the corner the whole time.

Scott looked at her, then looked up at me with this expression like, "you didn't tell me we could cry in here" then he started to cry.

It didn't last long at all before he was back to copying the kids around him and smiling.

I tried to calm the girl down but she was really freaked out by being amoungst strangers (her mom is getting baptized and she really is totally new to the idea of being away from mom, poor thing).

Scott's teacher is such a sweet heart.

She's the one that made them the bags and she gives more handouts then a Young Womens Instructor.

I'm telling you she sews them dolls of baby Moses, makes paper dolls with joints that move, sews cute little arrow pillows to point to the path to Heaven.

She used to be a preschool teacher and reminds me so much of my mom that I wonder if Scott thinks he's hanging with Grandma.

Mark said singing time went well too.

(That's pretty much mine and Marks conversations, I tell everything that happened along with every emotion along the way and Mark gives an overview of the events usually in one sentence, we compliment the other.)

This past Sunday we started out doing the same thing but Scott was doing So good in class that I walked out 15 minutes in and sat outside his door for another 10 minutes waiting for him to freak out.

HE DIDN'T!

AMAZING!

I got to go to the last half of Relief Society.

I went to check on him on his way into the primary room and Mark was there ready to take over.

After my success Mark decided to sit in the back and watch as Scott stayed with his class.

Mark gave me play by play texts of Scott stealing the signs from kids and holding them up and then throwing them on the ground when he got bored.

Mark said none of the kids minded and eventually they just handed them to him.

Next week we are going to try to drop him off.

I can't believe he is doing so well so quickly, he took months getting used to preschool.

But maybe preschool is paying off and he is learning that teachers are nice and other kids are fun and that mom and dad don't always need to be there.

I know that we will have good Sundays and bad Sundays and we will somedays play by ear but for the first time in a long time I can rest easy...

about Primary anyway. :)

James

Today is James Birthday.

James Mark's oldest brother.

He did his job when they were younger and teased Mark.

They now love to bike together.

James is an amazingly hard worker and loves to watch his nephew, Scott.

Happy Birthday James,

love you.

Best Friends Forever

Scott's new favorite movie is Ice Age.  

Everyday, all day if he could.  

Well he was watching it last night and I was standing in front of the counter eating.  

Out of the blue Scott gets so happy and excited and jumps up and runs to me. 

 He says as he gets to me, "You're my best friend mom, Best friends forever." 

 He then grabs my leg and turns me so he can give my legs the biggest hug ever.  

I then swooped him up and squoze him like crazy.  

WOW! I love this kid.  

And I love him talking. 

 I told Mark the story and he run up to Mark and said, "Best friends forever, dad."  

He has up wrapped around his finger.  

Thanks Scott, you are our best friend too.

Another awesome thing about Scott lately is how grateful he is.  

He says Thanks after he gets everything.

Cereal, sandwich, chicken nuggets, juice, milk, water, snacks, a toy, getting to watch a movie, taking a  shower, after a kiss, after a hug, after we say I love you...

We are happy to know that at least we've done something right.

Well I walked out of my room this morning to find out that Scott had tried to poor his own drink.

Juice was everywhere.

Well this is the first time it's happened so I couldn't get too mad at him.

I told him it was a bad choice and he needed to get us if he wanted a drink.

He looked so sad and scared but I told him it was OK, just not to do it again.

After wards he thanked me.

You're welcome for telling you not to do something Scott.

He can be hard sometimes but awesome moments like those SOOOO make up for it.

Love you Scotty Boy.

Brooke

Today is Brooke's Birthday.  

She turned 4 years old.

We've gotten to spend tons of time with Brooke this past month.

She came and stayed with us for a few days.

Scott loves to play with her.

She is so fun, creative, and loves to laugh.

Happy Birthday Brooke, 

we sure love you sweetheart.

Kate

Today is my darling Baby sisters birthday, Kate.

She's the beautiful baby in the walker.

Kate and I have been close since she was born.

She is more then a sister, she's a best friend.

This past year she got married.

Scroll down and you will see part two of this picture.

Kate is such an amazing person and inspires me to be a better person.

She has over come so much in her life, and I'm so proud of her.

She is good at everything she does.

I'm always wishing I was like her.  

Happy Birthday Kate, I love you so much.

Kim

Today is my sister, Kim's Birthday.

She was the first to marry into this crazy McEvoy Clan and can't help but love and respect her for loving Ben despite his wild family.

They live in Colorado now and we are so glad that after being from coast to coast they are finally settle closer to us.  

Kim is an amazing cook.

Everything she makes isn't just good, it's delectable.

She is also great at crafts.

She even knows how to save money well, which given the above two talents is kinda amazing trio.

Kim, you're awesome and we love you.

Hope you had a great day.

On her birthday Jeddie got baptized which makes him the newest member of the church in the family.

So happy for you Jeddie.

Way to go! 

Happy Late Christmas to US!

There were a few gifts that didn't make it in time for Christmas this year.

Kinda big ones too.  

The first one was for Scott.

Scott loves animals and we have been so sad since we got rid of Eddie.

The poor kid needs a pet.

So we thought we would get him a fish.

Well went to to go get A fish but it kinda turned into 4 then we added 7 more the next day.

I didn't know how excited Mark would get over having a fish.

Here's Scott loving his new pets.

The other late present was for Mark and me.

Well it was from Mark for me and Mark is enjoying it just as much as I am.

We got a tread mill.

I am so excited to get this new years resolution going.

Scott loves it too.

He uses it for a little bit every time we do and gets so much energy out.

I think Mark might be getting ready for a triathlon.

His brothers have been trying to talk him into doing one for a couple years now and he has always said no because he hates running and swimming.

Well he's now doing more running then biking.

Now if I can get him in my moms pool he'll be all ready.

Me, I'm not training for anything.

I just really needed a way to exercise in the winter without killing my lungs.

It is wonderful to just get one while talking on the phone or while watching a show on the iPad.

Thank you sweetheart. 

New Years Resolutions 2013

Well it's a whole new year and I have been thinking of the things I want to change about myself this coming year for the last month.  One of the biggest things I want to work on is BLOGGING!  I have been letting posts pile up for a month or more at a time and then I have to try to play catch up and forget so many things. So I am going to try to record happenings as they happen.  Might not be every time but I need to do better.  Another thing that I want to do with this blog is record birthdays.  In my family when it's somebodies birthday we celebrate at one of our every two week dinners and go around the table and say something nice about that person.  So I am going to try to have a post dedicated to each of my family members on their birthday.  I'm also going to try to take more pictures of everyday life, not just the big moments.

As a family we are continuing our resolution to see new National Parks.  We have already started this one since we had to make reservations at Yosemite six months in advance.  We are planning a trip in May there along with a few others in California.  We might even plan another trip to some up north in Organ and Washington. Some of my other resolutions fall into the health and spiritual departments so I don't want to get into them.  I just wanted to start the year out letting you all know I will be doing better. 

HAPPY 2013!