I am doing a lot of siting around lately while feeding baby brother.
I've played every assortment of sudoku on my phone.
I've read a few books.
Heck, I even got to update this blog.
I've also done a lot of thinking.
Memories are my most favorite thoughts and sometimes my most depressing thoughts.
I think about how hard Scott was at nursing; that was a lot of sitting around!
I think about how Mark and I used to spend the first two years of our marriage in our bed.
Before you get the wrong idea we just sat around and watched movies on Netflix on our computer.
I was nursing Scott so much there was just no point in moving.
I think about how depressed I was when I realized that I wasn't my own person anymore.
I had a hard time swallowing that someone relied on me completely and that I had to put their needs above my own.
I went through some post pardon depression after Scott.
He was a good baby but I wasn't prepared for how drastic life would change.
I think about how Scott grew.
He never stopped growing.
He was an average size for an infant but he quickly passed the majority of other babies in size, especially in the head.
I think about how Mark loved becoming a father.
How he dotted on Scott.
I remember multiple times having a hard time getting Scott to fall back to sleep and being at my wits end.
But there was Mark, ever patient and calm Mark.
He would take Scott and calm him down and within seconds he was fast asleep again.
I remember how adorable Scott was as a baby.
My mom would say how she used to take her babies to the park and feel sorry for the other moms who's babies weren't as cute as hers.
I remember feeling the same way, how I thought Scott was the picture perfect image of how a baby should look.
I remember stressing out about going out to stores and all the preparation it would take.
I would have to feed Scotty, then as quickly as I could get showered and dressing and ready and get Scott bathed and halfway ready then feed him again, then as quickly as I could get him dressed and go to the store for groceries.
He would often be crying the whole way home because I made him go past his normal feeding time.
Someone told me that I could just feed him while I was out so I wouldn't have to rush so much but that kid took and hour and half to feed and I wasn't about to spend that much time sitting in a public bathroom or in the car.
He eventually went faster and by the time I stopped breast feeding him (about 7 months) he only took about 20 minutes.
I remember how I loved kissing those chubby cheeks.
How I could be so incredibly tired but my lips would just ache to kiss those cheeks again.
It's amazing isn't it?!
That babies are so much work.
They test our limits in so many ways and try our patience to the point of breaking and yet...
...and yet they bring so much joy.
So much love grows from that hard work and patience.
That's why we wanted another.
That's why we had our baby Dean.
Scott may have been hard (all babies are) but he was worth it.
Dean, you bring with you a few challenges, but you need to know that more then that you bring so much joy.
We love you so much and I'm so excited to gain so many more memories with you in them.
I had a hard time swallowing that someone relied on me completely and that I had to put their needs above my own.
I went through some post pardon depression after Scott.
He was a good baby but I wasn't prepared for how drastic life would change.
I think about how Scott grew.
He never stopped growing.
He was an average size for an infant but he quickly passed the majority of other babies in size, especially in the head.
I think about how Mark loved becoming a father.
How he dotted on Scott.
I remember multiple times having a hard time getting Scott to fall back to sleep and being at my wits end.
But there was Mark, ever patient and calm Mark.
He would take Scott and calm him down and within seconds he was fast asleep again.
I remember how adorable Scott was as a baby.
My mom would say how she used to take her babies to the park and feel sorry for the other moms who's babies weren't as cute as hers.
I remember feeling the same way, how I thought Scott was the picture perfect image of how a baby should look.
I remember stressing out about going out to stores and all the preparation it would take.
I would have to feed Scotty, then as quickly as I could get showered and dressing and ready and get Scott bathed and halfway ready then feed him again, then as quickly as I could get him dressed and go to the store for groceries.
He would often be crying the whole way home because I made him go past his normal feeding time.
Someone told me that I could just feed him while I was out so I wouldn't have to rush so much but that kid took and hour and half to feed and I wasn't about to spend that much time sitting in a public bathroom or in the car.
He eventually went faster and by the time I stopped breast feeding him (about 7 months) he only took about 20 minutes.
I remember how I loved kissing those chubby cheeks.
How I could be so incredibly tired but my lips would just ache to kiss those cheeks again.
It's amazing isn't it?!
That babies are so much work.
They test our limits in so many ways and try our patience to the point of breaking and yet...
...and yet they bring so much joy.
So much love grows from that hard work and patience.
That's why we wanted another.
That's why we had our baby Dean.
Scott may have been hard (all babies are) but he was worth it.
Dean, you bring with you a few challenges, but you need to know that more then that you bring so much joy.
We love you so much and I'm so excited to gain so many more memories with you in them.
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