Daughter of God

Today is Saturday and conference is going on this weekend.

I love conference time.

This year some things are happening that are kinda bugging me.

At the last conference six months ago we experienced women giving prayers in conference for the first time I guess.

I've never noticed that they have not prayer in conference.

This year will be the first year that the Priesthood session will be broadcast live on the internet (this makes Mark very happy since he hates to get dressed up on a Saturday evening and is usually late0.

What do these two things have in common one might ask?

Well apparently there is a growing movement in amoungst some of the women of the church that there is a great inequality between men and women of the church.

Some women have had demonstrations of this by going to church in pants to prove some kinda point (though I don't know what that point is, I love wearing skirts and dresses and find them to be more comfortable then pants most the time).

Some women have gone as far as saying they want the priesthood and hate that the church is run by men.

To be honest I haven't done much research into this growing movement.

In some ways that makes me ill qualified to speak on it.

But the reason I haven't looked into it doesn't mean that I know nothing, it means that this movement bothers me so much that I don't even want to add to the number of people that are entertaining the articles written.

I have heard things from friends and family and our short conversations on the topic have made me so angry that I find myself here now, writing in this blog/ family history to let my posterity know where I stand.

I am a Daughter of God!

I am loved by a Father in Heaven and a Mother in Heaven.

I know that I am important in this Church.

I know that I have a great work to do.

I don't feel belittled or less of a person next to Mark or any other man in the Church.

But at that, I also don't feel equal to Mark or other men.

I feel quite different actually.

But feeling different, again, does NOT make me less.

If anything (confessing my pride)I feel more.

No I don't have the priesthood but in my heart I feel like I have so much more.

For I am a mother.

Mark and my father and my bishop will never gain this privileged.

Being a mother is a divine calling given to me as a women that no other man has yet claimed.

Yes, men can be fathers but a father, no matter how amazing, can never be a mother.

While pregnant with Scott I experienced motherhood the moment I knew of his existence in my belly.

 It was the hardest thing I'd ever gone through up till that point.

I have had many hard times since pregnancy, many of them proving to be harder then pregnancy.

Every single one of my challenges I have had in the past 4 years 9 months have been because of motherhood.

I'm not trying to complain, I'm just stating a fact.

Hard times that I have had were just that, hard, but they were nothing compared to the demands of motherhood.

This being said, motherhood has also been the source of my most happy moments in my life.

Being Scott's mother is the best thing I have ever done.

Watching him learn and succeed in life has proven to make me happier then my own successes in life.

Watching him struggle and make mistakes and get hurt have been more painful to me then any of my own old hurts.

I know that Mark feels similar to this.

But as hard as it is to be pregnant I would not trade this blessing for anything.

I feel sorry for Mark for not being able to experience this.

I am a big fan of feeling as little as possible during labor but there is one feeling that I would suffer any pain for and that is the amazing feeling of holding my baby for the first time.

When Scott was given to me I felt like it was my Heavenly Father himself was handing him to me because I knew at that moment that this was a miracle, this was a gift, that this was my son and I would do ANYTHING for him.

Every time I experience an annoance with this pregnancy I remember that I soon will have the veil lifted again and will once again get a sweet and perfect child of God handed to me, entrusted to me.

There is so much responsibility given to mothers to raise these children of God and help them on there path.

To guide and teach them on their paths back to Heaven.

Not only am I supposed to get myself to Heaven but I am now responsible for helping my children get back.

I am so grateful that I don't have to worry about the responsibilities of the priesthood in addition to the responsibilities I already have.

I simply get to support my husband in his priesthood responsibilities and partake of the blessings it offers.

While Mark shares these responsibilities of teaching our children with me, I feel a grater responsibility and a grater understanding of how to help our children.

I have felt and received revelations on ways to help our son thanks to many prayers that Mark and I have both offered.

While Mark does receive answers to prayers and revelation, I know that I have received more in regards to Scott and I know that this is because of my divine nature of being a mother.

I am by no means the best mom and I often believe that Scott deserves more of me.

But this I do know, Heavenly Father gave Scott to Mark and I and my Heavenly Father trusts Mark and I do what is best for him with the help of my divine nature as a mother and Mark's divine nature as a Priesthood holder in our home.

I dream of having a daughter someday, not that I would trade my boys for anything.

I want to do all those girly things like dresses and hair does and playing dolls and dress ups and princesses.

I don't know if I will get that blessing.

But while feeling sorry for myself for not yet getting that blessing I am reminded of the joys of having boys.

I now have a new goal and dream and that is to raise boys that grow to love and respect women and to know of their divine nature.

I may not get a daughter of my own but I pray for my future daughters in law to know of their divine nature and desire the miracle of motherhood.

For there is no better work a woman can do then to raise a righteous family.

To conclude I have to state how grateful I am to my parents who were wonderful examples to me of motherhood and priesthood working together.

I never understood the love they had for me until I had Scott.

Thank you mom and dad, I love you so much.